Our little angel Carl Benjamin was baptized in the name of our Lord last Saturday October 13, 2007 at St. Luke Catholic Church in Foster City. Thanks to everyone who came and celebrated with us, as well as to those who sent well wishes.
Here are some pictures of Carl's baptism courtesy of Ninong Kyo.
Yes, it's amazing how time flies by so fast. I have meant to send out the links to my son's pictures, or at least update you guys about what's been happening but believe it or not --- I haven't got the chance. Yeah, even I couldn't believe that taking care of a newborn is this much work. In my mind, I thought it was just about feeling happy all the time about how cute and huggable they are...I never realized it is this EXHAUSTING. I am getting a lot of support from Bobby, I wonder how others do this by themselves. Yep, I do not mean to undermine how difficult it is especially when you are doing hands on parenting. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am the happiest person in the world right now --- tied to Bobby of course. I'm just saying it is not easy, and I never really understood what everybody have been saying until I've experienced it myself.
I thought the most difficult part was going to be the pregnancy, labor and delivery --- especially since we had quite an eventful nine months to show for it. But aparrently that's the easy part. My coworker friend told me that there is something in women's memories that erases the pain they feel on delivery after some time...I guess that explains how people get to have kids again. Personally, I preferred to not know anything until I had to. A close friend of mine even sent me a Lamaze DVD that I intended not to watch, sorry Da --- takot ako eh. I thought I'll just cross the bridge when I get there. It kinda worked for me...I just didn't want to make myself more nervous than I already was. I had tons of things running through my mind --- it was more challenging mentally and emotionally for me. But even so, I would not trade this experience for anything in the world. I don't even want to think that I only have about a month left before going back to work. I will definitely miss spending time with Carl. :-)
Here are some pictures of our very cute baby. Carl's First Day Pics and More. I will upload more pics later.
Here are some details about the delivery.
We tried to have a normal delivery, I was scheduled to be induced Tuesday July 3 at 7am (originally July 2 but when we saw my OB that morning, she said the hospital was fully booked ---gosh didn't know that can happen). My estimated due date is July 5 but she didn't want to wait till then since my prior week's ultrasound already estimated baby's weight to be 8.7 lbs. However, Monday night around 10pm, I felt my contractions were already regularizing to about 5 minutes apart but no pain. So we decided to call the doctor and see if we need to go to the hospital already. They had us come to the hospital and we were admitted at around 11pm. All night, contractions went on but I wasn't progressing enough but I couldn't sleep --- everything was uncomfortable. I felt itchy around my belly because of the monitors etc. I was just able to sleep around 3am when I asked for pain medications when the contractions started to be painful. They ended up doing the induction around 6:30am to speed up the process. By 10:30am the nurse said I was ready to start pushing. We started pushing at 11am, but within 30 minutes of pushing, baby's heartrate dropped to 73. So we stopped and they revived his heartrate to normal. The doctor didn't want us to try pushing again and said she would like to just do a c-section in the afternoon. At 3:15pm, we were taken into the operating room. It was weird, I was conscious the whole time, Bobby and the anesthesiologist were sitting over my head and we were talking the whole time. By 3:33pm Carl Benjamin Tatco was born. I cried when I heard baby cry finally. He scored 9.9 on the APGAR. After letting me have a glimpse of Carl, Bobby and one of the nurses took baby to the nursery and they took me to the recovery room. I was in the recovery room for 4 hours to wait for my blood pressure to stabilize. The most difficult part was the recovery days later when all the strong pain meds were starting to wear off. We went home Saturday July 7, 2007.
Yes, 20 weeks, we're halfway there!!! Don't get me wrong, even with all the challenges of this pregnancy, believe it or not I am enjoying every moment of it. But then again, I am at my second trimester so I am pretty much at the smoothest part so my opinion might be slightly biased.
Even at this point I still can't believe that I am growing a life in my body. I'm still pretty much amazed at how all this works. Somehow, my lack of understanding of how biology works seems to just make it all the more magical. Bobby's been doing a lot of reading...on the Internet, books my sister-in-law lent --- the best one is: "What to Expect when You're Expecting". I'm really glad coz it doesn't compel me to read so much about pregnancy --- I just end up being more paranoid than I already am.
Okay, let's head back to the important details:
1) We just got the AFP screen results last February 9, and the results are negative...woohoo!!! :-) Don't know much about it but it checks for a variety of neural defects like Down Syndrome and some other defects. Even if the test has a false positive rate of 5% --- so they usually say don't stress so much about it, I'm just so relieved that it is one less thing to worry about.
2) We just had our 2nd Trimester Ultrasound on February 16...they checked all the vital organs, fingers, size and weight --- the baby is doing great!!! I am 20 weeks and 1 day, the ultrasound showed the baby's size is 20 weeks and 2 days. The baby is slightly bigger, on the average, 20 week babies are 10 1/2 oz. our baby is 14 oz. Though ultrasound technician says its nothing to worry about. I wonder what our nutritionist will say once they get a copy of the results. Maybe that is why everybody's been saying my tummy is so huge...they keep teasing me that my tummy is even bigger than our friend who's already 27 weeks pregnant.
3) And finally, Bobby is so happy to announce that ... we are having a boy!!! Of course we both are...but I'm sure you know what I mean. :-)
Whoever coined the term "morning" sickness should be blamed for giving false expectations...that's like false advertising. If it happens any time of the day, they should not call it that!
Yeah I think I spoke too soon about not having much morning sickness in my first trimester. I am currently in my 16 weeks of pregnancy and I still have episodes almost everyday. Although I guess it is triggered by some kinds of foods, which weirdly I normally would have loved.
Cheetos, cheese puffs, sunflower seeds I really love but for some reason, wait less than an hour and it just makes me sick. Fish is also something I thought I cannot give up coz I love fish but now it's just too difficult to eat. I even hate my prenatal vitamin coz one of the capsules tastes like fish, yuck...even if it says no fish oil...but that I can't not take so I guess nothing I can do there.
Right now, I always crave for In N Out french fries --- usually that becomes my midnight snack. hehehe Yummy! I can finish the whole thing, supposedly, it's not a very good snack --- what are they saying?!? I think it's very good! --- coz it's all carbs so Bobby throws in a vanilla milkshake para daw may protein hehehe Right now, I'm not too worried about gaining weight coz I haven't gained any yet but my tummy is already HUGE. I'm at 4 months and probably I've just gained 2 pounds so far...I was already overweight when I started with pregnancy, so I guess I'm losing my weight as the baby grows, it doesn't show though --- taba pa din hehehe
I've mentioned this to our nutritionist and OB coz I was a bit worried and they said that I am doing great, so nothing to worry about. They graph the weight gain every time we come in for a check up. With my starting weight I'm supposed to only gain 20 to 25 lbs at most.
We just had our AFP2 screen test last Friday, we'll find out the results in 2 weeks. Hopefully the results are good.
With all the difficulties of pregnancy, everybody says its all worth it. Don't worry I believe all of you --- there is also happiness and joy that comes with it --- and we're really excited and psyched about every part of this experience.
I guess folks have been wondering why I haven't had any update since my last blog. And with the title of this post, you'll understand why. At the 8th week (Dec. 11), we found out that one of the babies had stopped growing at 6th week and did not have a heartbeat...
Our ultrasound at 5 weeks showed both babies, with the other one barely making the range. It was why my OB had us come back for another ultrasound at 8 weeks. They wanted to make sure both babies are growing fine.
For twins, they ask you to schedule a 2 hour session coz it's kinda like doing 2 ultrasounds...they need to make sure they have enough time to be thorough. Although the weeks before, I had already been having dreams about one of the babies not growing, I didn't think much of it --- after all it's just a dream --- it never occured to me what the radiology doctor was going to say. The ultrasound technician didn't say anything, she just went on normally with one of the fetuses, did the normal measuring and checking of the heartbeat. Then did the other one, with just frame stopped and left the room. Nothing in her face suggested that there was something wrong. It was all done in about 45 minutes. She left the room and said the doctor will come in to give us the results. When the doctor came in, she had somewhat of a smile on her face or maybe so I thought. Then she started saying: "Fetus B is at a perfect size 10 weeks 3 days old. And good strong heartbeat." then went on without pausing "However, fetus A doesn't have a heartbeat" she continued on mentioned a few more things which I no longer minded and said "do you have any questions?" At the back of my mind, even if I wanted to ask her a lot of things I just wanted her to leave. I think Bobby asked her something but I was no longer paying attention. It was just too hard trying not to cry in front of someone I just met that day. Finally she left and I just burst into tears. I think we stayed longer in the ultrasound room just to wait for me to stop crying than how long the ultrasound actually took, I'm sure that wasn't true but that's how long it felt like. I kept telling Bobby maybe they just didn't look hard enough that's why they didn't see the other heartbeat to the point of asking him maybe we should get another ultrasound even if we had to pay for it. Though I know the moment they put the sensor on, they already know how many heartbeats there are. It's just too hard to accept and too much to take in. I was crying like a baby, I can see Bobby was also devastated but he was just trying to calm me down. The walk going out of the ultrasound office was just embarrassing I thought --- in the waiting area, you see couples with smiles on their faces coming out of their appointments but there I was my eyes were just red from crying. I guess it was too obvious to the other patients what had happened seeing my face like that.
Our OB's office is downstairs, normally wait time is a while, especially since our appointment wasn't until 4:30pm and the ultrasound finished an hour earlier than expected. But the moment we stepped in she immediately called us in.
She told us a lot of things which at that time, I didn't really understand but it did make sense eventually. Bobby asked her if it had to do with nutrition, if the baby wasn't getting enough nutrition and she said your food intake is being monitored by a nutritionist, you are eating healthier than before, it isn't the reason. The nutritionist doesn't only monitor if you are taking in more than you should, they also monitor if you are taking less than what you should and the right kinds of food. I am seeing a nutritionist since I failed the glucose tolerance test. They ask you to track down all the meals you took, blood sugar checks 4 times a day, ketone checks daily, 6 meals instead of 3 huge main meals. They ask you to add more kinds of foods needed when they see your list lacks certain kinds of food. I tell you, Filipino foods are just hard to jot down, lots of carbs -- lahat may rice, and very little green veggies. The nutritionists already know about it, siguro madami na din sila patients na Pinoy before.
My OB also said, this happens more often than people find out about. Most pregnancies start out as twins but since ultrasounds are normally done at the 10th and 12th week timeframe, people don't even know they had twins -- it's called the Disappearing Twin Syndrome, I read about it on the internet 2 weeks before the appointment when I was having those bad dreams but I tried dismissing it coz that wasn't what I wanted to read about at the time when I was already anxious about my pregnancy. We had our first ultrasound at 3 weeks, they even wouldn't say I am pregnant coz it was too early. Only the 5th week ultrasound when the sacs are clearly visible did they say we were pregnant and with twins.
I took a week off from work, primarily because I didn't/couldn't talk to anyone about what happened it was too painful then. I guess it still is now. I can still remember how I felt when we found out about it. But one of the best things my OB said was: "Cry about it tonight, but tomorrow, move on...there is another life depending on you". In my mind at that time I was just thinking can you really do that? Apparently time heals all wounds...
Most of our friends have been emailing me and asking how the pregnancy is doing...I apologize for not emailing back, it's just too hard to tell this story over and over.
The other reason I wanted to move on is that, we have been waiting a long time for this pregnancy and the longer I cry over our loss, I would lose the opportunity of being happy and excited about our other baby --- that's kinda unfair to my other baby I guess. I'm sure though that this baby will just be doubly loved --- that's the least we can do.
For most of our closest families and friends, this news is no longer surprising --- most of them have already been shocked, if not twice, as Bobby and I were. I know I haven't blogged for about over a year now not necessarily for lack of trying but mainly having nothing really interesting to write about.
As most of you know, we've been married for a while, going 5 years now and so typical of Filipino families, or maybe families in general, the pressure of "when are you planning to have kids" immediately follows the wedding bells. Which if maybe you were in my shoes your ears would have bled by now.
Here and there, I would hear someone getting pregnant, even younger than me --- there wasn't any pressure until I realized I am already 29 years old and almost a majority of my friends who have been married after I did are already pregnant or have kids already. Yup, the clock is ticking. I've always thought I would eventually have kids -- I've always seen myself eventually becoming a mom, I just never knew when it was gonna happen.
We always tease Kamille that she was ordered from Costco, and that she should help me make my order --- coz they always run out of stock. Finally, they got stock!!! Or should we say there were multiple stocks available and we got 2!!! hehe O ayan ha!? I'm being a bit more explicit --- most of the folks we told didn't realize immediately that it is a "double" blessing, most of them were too excited to hear about the pregnancy news alone and didn't get to read through the rest of our announcement card.
Bobby and I are a little bit worried about finances and about being ready and being able to take care of 2 babies, but I'm sure God will provide and will help us be great parents. Both Bobby and I have lived with limited means our whole lives, not poor but not rich either, but we turned out okay. In fact, I'm more worried about being able to give my kids everything than being able to provide them with less. I want my kids to have the same aspirations and fulfillments as I had --- most kids I've seen who do not seem to value what they have ---even when they already have everything are those who've been spoon fed everything. I'd want my kids to know know that getting a Barbie doll, an iPod or an xBox is a huge thing. And I'd like them to know what a great feeling it is to purchase your own car --- not because it is a cool make or new model, but because they've earned it.
Believe it or not, I've always thought everything I got in life was hard earned --- nothing was easy --- I always had to work for it or wait for a long time. Sometimes the struggle is frustrating, but I always realize in the end that it just makes it sweeter, and the apreciation is much more.
I've always been clueless about biology --- I still do not know where our hair and finger nails come from, which trully makes this "twin miracle" really astonishing for me. God's engineering and design is really unbelievable. I know they are developing in my tummy --- for at least 32 weeks --- the doctor said to prepare for delivery earlier since they're a twin.
I haven't had a lot of morning sickness yet, just a couple of times so far. I was thinking it's more frequent but maybe it's just too early at this point. Sleeping is the thing I find difficult at this point. I'm sleepy so early which I love coz I usually stay up late at nights coz I can't sleep -- but then finding a position to sleep in is quite challenging. By the time I find a good position, it's time to pee. Oh well.
Anyway, hopefully I can continue to blog as my tummy grows to keep you all updated. Please join me and Bobby in waiting for the storks to deliver our little angels and in praying that they have a safe trip.
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